I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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