All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
ttyl tear gas
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think my moral compass just broke
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
