I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
