11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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