if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
