Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
whose ass print is on the piano?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
