This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We talked him into tasing himself.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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