my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
