I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
