I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
