he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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