u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
