im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
