there was a trapeze. enough said
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
