There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
