I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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