you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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