My friends, they love my intelligence
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
