this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
