Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
