OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
