if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
