So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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