Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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