this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
