I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
