you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
