glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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