Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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