so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
