I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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