ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
