I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
