how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
