We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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