apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
