come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize