I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
