Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
