My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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