Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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