Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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