I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
