So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
