he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
