I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
