i need an iv and a liver transplant
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
