Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
