That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Mom said you looked used
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
