Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
