i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am one with the molecules
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
