Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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