My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
