so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
