The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
