Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Threesome in a minivan. New low
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
