there's paper in my vomit.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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